My Failure At Awesomeness

I love Facebook, and I hate Facebook.  It is a source of constant addiction for me.  But I have decided that it is also the 21st Century version of “keeping up with the Jones’…” (which is ironic since that’s the name of my husband’s maternal side of the family…sigh.)  I realized this when a friend of mine called and commented on how clean my house always is.  My thought: Have you seen my house lately?  Are you losing eyesight?  Should we contact an Optometrist?  Who is this?  Do you even have the right number?  I went on to explain the great lengths I go to to only publish pictures where you can’t see the PILES of clothes, toys, dishes, bills, trash, etc. in the background.  Most of the time I angle the camera in such a way just so you can’t see all of that.  I have even been known to shove the pile to the other end of the table just to give the illusion that my table is clean.  I think most people do that…maybe not to the extremes I go to, but to some degree.  We don’t want anyone to see our mess.  We want to “publish” a perfect life.  We want the world to see our awesomeness.  Plain and simple.  If my 707 Facebook “friends” think I’m awesome, it must be true.  Right?  Wrong.

Since this whole blog is dedicated to laying it out there, to being real, let’s do it.  It’s my life in a fishbowl.  And let me tell you, I need a plecostomus!  Ya know, a sucker fish.  The ones that thrive in the murky water of a fishbowl.  The ones that you put in with your goldfish whose tank you never clean in hopes that they will eat all the algae and other freakish nastiness that has grown on the sides of the tank.  I need one of those.  Because…

I am FAILING at awesomeness.  I mean, I am miserably failing.

Let’s start with the house.  Ok, seriously people, how many times can I step over the exact same stuff and not just bend down and pick it up?  Apparently for weeks.  I have been standing on the same Baby Animals book while I brush my teeth and do my makeup for at least a week.  Unless my toes learn to read, I don’t think it’s going to do me much good down there.  

About a month ago I brought our basket of cleaning supplies up to our bathroom….because, well, the bathroom should be cleaned at least twice a year.  That particular day I put the basket in the bathtub to keep the chemicals out of a one year old’s reach.  They are still there.  It’s been a month.  A MONTH.  I know The Hubs is wondering if this is the new designated cleaning supply spot.  And has the bathroom been cleaned?  Nope.  I guess the cleaning supplies don’t do it themselves.  Dang!   

We can go right on from the bathroom to our bedroom.  Why did I EVER think I needed that many pillows on the bed.  Honestly.  There must be 42 of them, and they are everywhere.  And do you think they ever make it to the bed?  Nope.  Unless company is coming.  And the cedar chest at the end of the bed is intended to be decorative.  Maybe my laziness didn’t get the memo.  The top of the cedar chest now serves as a dresser, a shoe stand, a coat rack, and a holder of anything left on my bed when I crawl into it at night.   

Downstairs we go.  The only reason my dishes get done is because my husband usually does them.  I live in a constant state of 367 loads of laundry.  I can’t get my act together enough to make it to the grocery store for everything I need, so I usually end up going at least four times in any given week. 

I have weeds in my backyard that are taller than my children.  One of said children is almost 9 (and her mother is 6 feet tall) so you can figure out how tall the weeds are.  I found my mother and my next door neighbor back there pulling some of the weeds the other day.  My neighbors are pulling my weeds.  For real.  It’s bad.

I have taken my crabby baby to the store two days in a row now in a shirt and a diaper.  Why?  Because I get so busy running errands that I forget that occasionally her diaper needs to be changed.  So eventually the soaking wet pants have to come off.  And then there is the “bruise” that is covering her entire thigh.  It’s actually a stain from frozen blueberries that got past her mouth and melted next to her leg, but to get it off would require a bath and who has time for that?!?!  

I live in workout clothes and a ponytail because I figure if I put them on my body I may just magically appear at the gym.  On the days that I do make it there, it’s really just to watch tv while I saunter on the treadmill, because thank you, Jesus, it is so peaceful with my headphones in my ears!  And there is childcare.  Can I get an AMEN??

I have been sneaking dark chocolate for the past week…until my husband found the wrapper.  I “nicely” explained that every 28 days or so I get chocolate in celebration that we are NOT having another baby.  So. Back. Off.

I have piles of books that would help me improve my life or something but I don’t read any of them because every time I do I wake up with the book on my face.  And speaking of reading, I can’t finish a book to save my life.  Not always because I fall asleep but sometimes because I get 2 chapters in and then start another one.  I used to finish things.  Is ADD contagious?  I’m pretty sure I caught it.

We had to give our goldfish to the neighbors because we never fed them and that seemed mean.  Now we have 2 hermit crabs.  Did you know that you can actually go 2 weeks without feeding them and they will still live?  It’s fascinating.  Our dog and cat on the other hand like to be fed on occasion.  It usually happens every 2nd or 3rd day when I realize that I can see their ribs through their fur and the dog is whining to get into the shower to drink the water left on the floor.  The worst part is that when I tell the kids to feed them, their response is usually, “we already fed them this week!”  That is what I have actually instilled in my children about taking care of living creatures, you guys.  The awesomeness continues to another generation.

I found my baby sucking on a tube of toothpaste today.  

I fed my 4 year old Target popcorn and an Icee for lunch.

And the climax of my awesomeness demise happened this morning.  When I forgot to pick up my friend’s daughter for school.  Yep.  She’s a Senior in High School.  It’s kind of an important week to be there.  I forgot her.  Left her sitting by her front door wondering if the preacher’s wife has any brain cells left at all.  Her fiancé left work to come get her for Heaven’s sake.  Awesomeness Fail.

As I was lamenting today about how bad I am at life right now, the Lord reminded me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 which says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

All I have to say is the next Marvel movie better be about me and Jesus because if my weakness gives Him more power, The Avengers better watch out!  Jesus’ got my back!

So there you have it.  From one awesomeless mom to another, tomorrow is another day to let Jesus do His thang!  Cause I sure can’t pull it off myself!    



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