Deep Musings of The Preacher’s Wife: Introduction

This blog.  Well.  This is a hard one.  Not for me to write…because I love authenticity.  I love real.  I love raw and honest and transparent.  The problem is, others don’t.  And in my community…where pastor’s wives live and breathe and love and bleed…it is often unsafe to declare transparency to the world.  And that is a tragedy.  For the women who hold others’ hands and keep others’ secrets and share others’ hurts and wade through others’ struggles, to be trapped in their own plight with no one else to turn to.  Well there is a flaw in the system of Christian humanity when the mothers of churches aren’t free to weep and struggle with the rest of the flock because sheep bite the hardest.  And shepherd’s wives bleed the deepest.  Too many times have their words been twisted and their feelings manipulated.  The expectations placed on these women touted as Gospel when the Gospel says nothing of the sort.   My community.  They need the freedom to grow in the reality of success and failure without fear of judgement and ridicule from the religious.  They ask for the simple acceptance that they offer day in and day out.  They ask for a place to be loved and vulnerable.

But this really cannot be.  Not in the traditional, American church.  Pastor’s wives find themselves behind walls built around their very own hearts by their very own hands, holding people at a distance, waiting days, weeks, months, years until someone comes along that proves trustworthy.  Once in a great while, they will stumble across that person, that friend, that they can confide in.  But this is rare.  And this breaks my heart.

I can say this because I have found genuine friends in church, and I have found fabricated friends in the church.  I have seen both sides of the coin.  I have been both sides of the coin, sadly.  It is a bitter reality, at best.    

What I want is for these women, these sisters, to find their voice.  I want all pastor’s wives to find the place that they can stand up and boldly declare what God is doing on the inside of their hearts. I want them to be able to come to a place that the community they should trust the most is, in fact, the most trustworthy.  I want these women to have the freedom to be REAL.  Oh, for every woman to find that freedom.  To be who she is.  And that is all.  To be ONLY and EXACTLY and COMPLETELY herself.  To let all the demanding expectations fall on deaf ears.

And this brings me to this blog.  A series of blogs, really.  This series will come from a deep place of discontent in my heart. It is a discontent that has built up over the course of 13 years of ministry.  My goal is not to point out the flaws in people, but maybe in a system that just doesn’t seem to be working as it should.  And my credibility lies in a lifetime of church attendance and over a dozen years of church “employment” (be it voluntary.)  My qualification is being the pastor’s wife who is taking a step outside the norm to shed light on areas that need to change for the church to move forward.  It is me being REAL.  Being who I am ONLY and EXACTLY and COMPLETELY.  Letting all expectations fall to the wayside. 

Here is what I do NOT want to come of this series.  I do not want pity.  I do not want calls/texts/emails of grave concern over the pastor’s wife who is sinking in despair.  That is so far from the truth.  My discontent is a good thing.  It is a deep, God-working, an unhappiness with the way things are in the American church as a whole.  It is a rumbling in my heart for change.   And I don’t think I’m the only one.  I know I’m not.  

What I DO want is freedom.  I want the freedom to share what I see and voice what He is tearing apart in me.  The traditions and religious ways that are unfounded and unBiblical and doing the church nothing but harm.  And most importantly, the things that are turning away the lost.  The intentional and unintentional alike.  Because both grieve Him.  Both grieve me.  

So that’s it.  Be on the lookout for additions to Deep Musings of The Preacher’s Wife.  This should be fun! 

  5 comments for “Deep Musings of The Preacher’s Wife: Introduction

  1. Krystal
    May 30, 2016 at 9:25 AM

    I just wanted to say a quiet thank you, from one P.W. to another. That is all. 😊

  2. Rachel
    May 26, 2016 at 10:15 AM

    I felt many of the things you describe above throughout my childhood as the oldest of six pastor’s kids. As a single woman, spent nearly a decade in vocational ministry and my husband now leads in a residential parachurch ministry. It has different nuances, but the foundational similarities abound.

    THANK YOU for breaking the silence.

  3. aunt terri
    June 1, 2015 at 10:58 AM

    Beautifully written, heartfelt, and true. Your Mom and I have also been there…different ministry-same glass house. Please KNOW that I love you, I accept you. I pray for you and I am always here for you. Not sending pity or sympathy- sending empathy and LOVE.

  4. Joan Blackstone
    May 21, 2015 at 10:04 PM

    Truth, a much needed reality in every area of life, comes with knowing who we are in Christ. This brings out the word “maturity” which is a choice. At forty I was convicted in an area of immaturity and the effect it had on all of my relationships. I chose to grow up, not to be perfect, but to turn from my childish ways. ” Choose you this day… Joshua 24:15

  5. Judyth
    May 21, 2015 at 5:05 AM

    I have heard these frustrations from preacher’s wives before. And from the wives of music ministers, youth ministers, etc. About the expectations to be someone else’s interpretation of who you should be instead of the person God made you to be. The unrealistic belief that you should sit on a pedestal, stepping down only to pray with them or attend their needs. That your needs, your hurts and fears should not exist because you are the wife of a man of God.
    But you seem to have found your voice. Maybe you can use it to help others find theirs.

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